Well, today is the big day.
I’m packing my bags, and heading off to Camp Cedarwood to spend the weekend with the ladies of Ridgewood EMC.
Many months ago, a lady from their retreat committee sent me an email, asking if I was “available, and capable of deep spiritual teaching”.
My word. It was the “capable” part which undid me. My stomach did some kind of weird lurching thing as I read that email, and my immediate reaction was something along the lines of, “Capable??! Nope!!!”
I fully intended to turn down the opportunity. I’ve spoken publicly many times before, but the words “deep spiritual teaching” were a bit too intimidating, and I could immediately think of a number of other women who could do a much better job.
I sent a polite email back, suggesting we talk on the phone the next day, but I intended to say no.
The next morning, I was reading my Bible, and stumbled across a verse which said,
“Do not fear disgrace…”
And I thought, “That’s EXACTLY what I fear!”
A few verses down, it said,
“You will not be disgraced.”
It was for me. I own it now. You know how that is? When the Holy Spirit just jumps off the page at you, and you know those words are meant for you?
And I wondered if it could really be true….No disgrace?
My phone call came, and I think I still kinda wanted to say no, but the Holy Spirit must have been speaking on the other end too, because this lady I had never met said everything I needed to hear, and I knew this was a God-thing.
I still don’t feel deep. Or capable.
But I feel like God is leading, and for some reason, He wants me to do this, so I will go with a “yes” in my heart.
Yet again, Bob Goff sums it up for me:
Am I the right guy? I don’t know, but I’m the guy being asked, and the last thing I want to do is miss an opportunity or make God mad, so I just keep saying yes. Maybe God is doing some inexplicable things in your life. Each of us gets to decide every time whether to lean in or step back – to say yes, ignore it, or tell God why He has the wrong person….We were all meant to save many lives. God is always trying to save lives, and it seems like He usually uses the least likely people to do it.
Have you ever felt unqualified? Afraid? Incapable?
Say yes! You don’t want to miss anything!!
(Ben and I talked about whether I should wait to post this after the weekend – first find out if I’ll be disgraced or not!! Then we decided that honesty and transparency is a good and beautiful thing, so I’m laying it all out there! I’ll let you know how it went on Monday!)