Kicking a Mood

I’ve been packing my bags, getting ready to leave on vacation this weekend, but I wanted to quickly share the Oswald Chambers quote that’s been churning in my mind this week:

There are certain things we must not pray about – moods, for instance. Moods never go by praying, moods go by kicking. A mood nearly always has its seat in the physical condition, not in the moral….We have to take ourselves by the scruff of the neck and shake ourselves, and we will find that we can do what we said we could not. The curse with most of us is that we won’t.

I must say, I think prayer can help for all kinds of things, and sometimes, some extra time getting my perspective back while reading my Bible or praying is exactly what I need.

But I do agree that a mood is a decision, and I’m trying to remember this for the days when things aren’t going so well – I will choose to stay calm and patient, and not allow a mood to wreck this gift of a day.

I wish you all a fantastic weekend! May your mood be light and joyous!:)

Do the Next Thing

Since first writing about my December challenge, I’ve had many, many people share their words of encouragement, as well as thoughts and opinions. I was aware of opening myself up to this when I decided to make this challenge public, and I was a little nervous about whether I was strong enough to weather all the wise words that would come my way, without losing sight of how this all began, and what I most wanted to focus on, personally.

I really appreciate all that people share with me, but it definitely has given me a lot to chew on, and I have gotten a little confused, at times.

Some people are completely sure that I will experience healing by the end of December.

Others think I will experience spiritual and emotional healing, but don’t really think physical healing will necessarily be a part of it.

Some people think I should never go back for another appointment again, because I should just have faith I will be healed.

Others think this month will be a great month for me to relax and rest without having to run around to a million different appointments, and I will have the chance to learn more about myself and about Jesus.

A friend came over last week on a day when I was feeling super confused about everything, and we had a good talk about it all. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t know much, and I’m not even sure what I believe myself, but it comes down to this:

Trust God, and do the next thing.

Is that not fantastic?! It’s what formed in my mind last winter when I was learning a lot about what I believe about God’s will for my life, but my pastor shared this Oswald Chambers quote with me last week, and it may be what will save me, now in December, and forever after.

It’s simple, really. Do what you know. Right now. And then stop worrying about everything else.

For me, right now, it looks like this:

1) God said He will heal me. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, I just know He can, He will, and I’ll trust Him.

2) I felt God telling me to stop my appointments for the month of December. That sounds so specific, and so “I have a direct line to Heaven”, and I don’t even like putting it into words, but there it is. So I’ll do what I know, for the month of December, and then I’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll be healed. Maybe I’ll go back to all my appointments. Maybe I’ll only go back to some of them. I have no idea.

3) God didn’t tell me that He would heal me in December. He said He would heal me, I should trust Him, and then 2 weeks later I felt like He was asking me to give up my appointments for a month. I can do all of those things without actual knowing what needs to happen next.

I probably don’t have enough faith. Maybe I should be waiting joyously all month, just knowing that healing is coming my way within a matter of weeks. I don’t know. I was feeling really guilty about not having enough faith, and my pastor said, “Give Him your guilt. And then do the next thing.”

The song that keeps coming to my mind is “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”. It gives me peace every single time I think of it, because it’s true – when I’m focusing on Him, worshiping Him, and dancing in my kitchen, or crying on my couch, just trying to surrender every hard moment to Him, I’m able to get past all of it, if only I fill my mind with Him.

Then nothing else matters – I could have pain for the rest of my life, and it doesn’t matter to me in that moment. I just see Him, and everything’s good.

That applies to pretty much everything in life, hey? Trust God, and do the next thing. I can do that. Little bits at a time.

So, I’m curious: What does “Trust God, and do the next thing” mean for you??

Getting More Than You Can Handle

Last night, I was reading a little bit of Oswald Chambers before bed, and was struck by this quote:

“God does not ask us to do the things that are easy for us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always.” (My Utmost for His Highest)

It reminded me of how people so often say reassuringly, “God will never give you more than you can handle!”

And then life gets harder than ever before, and it makes me think all kinds of messed up thoughts, such as “God must think I’m a lot stronger than I am, because I don’t think I can handle this, but He’s giving it to me, and He wouldn’t if I could handle it!”

So I’ve tried to handle it, swinging between bitterness towards God, and a twisted sense of empowerment because God is “telling” me that I can handle so much.

I clearly remember the day Ben informed me that this idea of God not giving us more than we can handle is not actually Scriptural.  God allows all kinds of difficult things to cross our paths, and He never promises it will be easy, or that we will be able to “handle” it, but He does promise that He will always be with us.

That’s really the only promise we truly need.

Maybe it’s not the one we want – only getting what we can handle would be a more comfortable promise! If it were true…

I love what Katie Davis writes about this in her book, Kisses From Katie:

“Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.”

People repeat this frequently; I heard it when I was growing up and I hear it now. It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if I believed it were true.

But I don’t.

I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives.

….I have learned to accept it, even ask for it, this “more than I can handle”. Because in these times, God shows Himself victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that His glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace and faithfulness shining through our lives.

And as I surrender these situations to Him, watch Him take over and do the impossible, I am filled with joy and peace – so much more than I can handle. (Kisses From Katie, by Katie Davis)

What a hard prayer – asking for more than we can handle! Franklin Graham refers to it as “leaving God-space”. In his book Rebel With a Cause, he writes about how his ministry, Samaritan’s Purse, will purposely make “impossible” plans, requiring “impossible” amounts of money. If we only do what is easy, and what we already know we can do, we don’t need God for anything.

Well, that’s uncomfortable! But maybe exciting, at the same time?!

Whenever Ben and I are praying for something that seems impossible, one of us will usually remember “God-space”. And then we pray on, and don’t worry so much about all those things which seem impossible.

Sometimes God-space can feel very similar to being unrealistic or even irresponsible! But I’m also trusting that God will move us, or stop us, or put a caution in our hearts for those times when God-space starts turning into something else.

So, do you have any impossible prayers you’re praying? Any situations that are definitely more than you can handle?

My Struggles With Prayer

What a week. Thank you all for your kind words, love, and support. It’s a bit hard to know how to go back to normal blogging after a life-changing announcement.

But…that’s exactly what we’re going to do! Obviously, there’s more to say about the whole leaving camp thing, but I feel like I need a bit of a break! We’ll talk some more later. 🙂

In the meantime, here’s a little something I cooked up about my thoughts on prayer…

Prayer is something I have struggled with a lot.

I mean, on the one hand, it’s not hard to just talk with God. I don’t believe it needs to be anything complicated, and I completely believe that God is always listening, and cares about everything I say. I believe He has ways to speak back, even if I can’t hear an audible voice.

The stuff I struggle with is how to accept His answers, or how to wait on Him and trust Him in everything. I struggle with boldly asking for miracles, while still wanting to pray within His will.

Sometimes He just says no. Will my faith be big enough to handle His no? Do I trust Him enough to let go, and surrender, and rejoice even when He says no?

And how much does prayer change things? I’ve always had a problem with that woman in the Bible who asked and asked and asked, until in frustration, the judge finally relented.

I don’t like the idea of nagging God. And yet Jesus is the one who told that story!

And what happens when I go out on a very uncomfortable limb, and try praying with the “ask and ask and ask” technique, and…nothing happens? Is that a “wait”? Is that a “no”?  Did I not nag hard enough?

Or is that the part where I surrender and trust Him with my life, even when things don’t make any sense?

So maybe my biggest struggle is: When do you persist, and when do you surrender?

For years, I just stopped asking for anything. I stopped praying boldly and stopped waiting for miracles, because I couldn’t handle getting a “no”.

And then Beth Moore got me in the soft spot, while I was taking her “Believing God” Bible study online. I sat there one night with tears streaming down my cheeks as I realized what had happened to me and my faith and my prayer life. It had become as safe and boring as it possibly could, and there was no room for God to do anything, anywhere.

I had Him in a nice, safe little box.

But after that night, I started to let go of the control. I started (fearfully) asking Him for big things. I gave Him room to be unpredictable.

And most importantly, I realized that I trusted Him enough to get a no. My faith will not fall apart if I don’t get my own way. His ways are much better, anyway.

But sometimes, I still start to wonder how much my prayers help, and how much they change. Oswald Chambers has written that the purpose of prayer is to change us, more than it is to change God. I am on board with that. I need a lot of changing. God, on the other hand…not so much.

I just finished up Andy Stanley’s book, Enemies of the Heart, which was fantastic, and I loved what he had to say about prayer:

The fact is, God loves you too much to give you everything you ask for. He loves the people around you too much to give you everything you ask for. But – and don’t miss this – he still wants you to ask. He still wants you to bring it all to him.

Why? If there’s no guarantee, what’s the point?

God wants you to know him as the source of all good things. And when he says no, he wants you to trust him….He’s the source of all good things, not all wished-for things. But he still wants us to ask, to lean, to depend, to cry out. (p. 169)

I love that. I want to see Him as the source. Since reading that, I’ve thought of praying more often throughout each day. Some problem, some dilemma I don’t know how to handle? Well, He’s the source. I bring it to Him because He wants me to.

Yucky emotions or thoughts that don’t even make sense to me? I know it’s time to go to the Source of all good things, because that’s what He wants me to do.

It’s as though seeing Him as the source of everything is taking away my need to understand prayer. I go to Him because He wants me to. I still don’t understand when to persist, and when to surrender, but He’s the source. He wants me to ask. I ask out of obedience. And whenever we obey God more fully, good things happen.

So, any thoughts on prayer out there? I’d love to hear them…

What Glorifying God Looks Like…

The tendency is to look for the marvelous in our experience; we mistake the sense of the heroic for being heroes. It is one thing to go through a crisis grandly, but another thing to go through every day glorifying God when there is no witness, no limelight, no one paying the remotest attention to us. (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest)

So I realize that Oswald Chambers was not a stay-at-home mom, but I feel as though he was speaking directly to my life…. Maybe this theme is getting old around here, but seriously, I feel like it’s the goal of my life to learn how to shine for Jesus, even in the smallest, most insignificant, every-day little things.

There is a part of me that always seems to long for something “grand” and very important, but for now, glorifying God looks like patience when asked the millionth question of the day, or wiping up the hot chocolate that spilled and seemed to hit absolutely every piece of furniture in a 5 foot radius. It looks like answering Anika’s questions about how God answers prayer, and it looks like taking care of sick girlies and being house-bound for days on end.

What does “glorifying God” look like for you right now?

Same Blog, New Name

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I didn’t really know where things were going to go with it. I didn’t have a clue what to call it, so Ben just labeled it “Kendra’s Blog” when he was getting everything set up for me.

I always thought I would change it, but it never happened. Until now.

A few months ago, I was reading My Utmost For His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, and came across a quote in which he wrote about learning to sing on ordinary days, in ordinary ways. Since then, it’s become a thought I’ve gone back to many times throughout each day. When things are chaotic, the house is a mess, it feels like my patience was used up few hours ago, and there’s pee on my pants that isn’t mine, those words come back to me – learn to sing on ordinary days, in ordinary ways.

And that is what this blog is about. I write about all of the little things that I’m learning in my little life. We do family, and we do camp life and ordinary life, and we try to love Jesus more all the time, and we figure out how to follow Him better each day. I’m a stay-at-home mom, and sometimes that feels small. But as I am faithful in the little things, as I follow Jesus on the ordinary days, when there’s nothing especially dramatic or triumphant happening, I know that He is teaching me to “sing”, no matter what circumstances are surrounding me.

I hope that this new name will continue to sum up the things that I write about – loving Jesus and my family, and trying to live an ordinary life that is becoming extraordinary as I strive to serve Jesus in all that I do.

You Are What You Read??

During a job interview, Ben was once asked what books he was reading.

I like that question. I think that what (or if?) a person is reading can truly say a lot. It can be a reflection of your tastes and interests, passions, beliefs, values, communication style, etc, etc.

For example. If I told you that I only read poetry, you would probably have some kind of an idea in your head about what kind of person I am.

But I don’t only read poetry. I don’t read poetry ever. Now you probably have a very different idea of what I’m like.

I wish I read poetry. And that also says something about me!

Anyway. I thought that it would be fun to share with you what we’ve been reading around here. All four of us LOVE books. Fun for the whole family. We’ve been enjoying some especially good ones, lately.

We’ll start with my books (other than “The Happiness Project”, because I’ve mentioned that one numerous times already!):

1. Simple Blogging

This one is actually an e-book. I’m finding that a little weird. I like a book I can relax on the couch with. Other than that, it’s a great book for anyone who’s really interested in blogging. I picked up some great tips from it and have a list of things I want to try after reading it.

2. Eve’s Daughters

Oh, my goodness, this is such a great book. I just finished it (again) yesterday afternoon. I have no idea how many times I’ve read it before – too many to count. But the ending still made me cry. I don’t read a lot of fiction these days, because I don’t have enough self-control to read it in small chunks. But when I do read fiction, I really like Lynn Austin’s stuff. And this book is one of her best. But that’s just my opinion – I borrowed it to a friend, and she didn’t like it at all. So there you go.

3. There’s Lead in Your Lipstick

Just started this one, so I don’t know how good it will be, but it’s on one of my favorite topics these days. For the last few years, I’ve been on the look-out for natural, healthy options for products to use in house cleaning, as well as personal care. I’m good friends with Norwex. I don’t use any chemicals when cleaning the house, but my next hurdle is hair dye, sun screen, and shampoo, to name a few. We’ll see what I learn from this book. It promises to recommend “the best alternative products and where you can find them.” Yes, please!

4. My Utmost For His Highest

I think I will read this book forever. It has a one-page reading for every day of the year, and I just keep going through it again and again. Always challenging and enlightening.

5. So Long, Insecurity

I am loving this book. It is so good. I’m sure it will be inspiring an entire post soon, because I’ve been learning so much from it. Beth Moore is always good, but this book is just really hitting the spot right now.

It is very typical for me to have at least five or six books on the go. I have different reading moods. Sometimes I want “relaxing” reading, sometimes I feel more ambitious. My bedside table usually has a huge stack of books on it.

Ben’s Books:

1. Strategy Bites Back

This is one of the books that Ben has to read for his next course. He says that it “has moments of interest”.

2. The Bourne Objective

Ben kind of devours fiction. He reads almost anything he can get his hands on. When I asked him what he thought of this book, his response was not very enthusiastic. He said that so far, it has not been very good – “Surprisingly disappointing.”

Anika’s Books

When she reads by herself, she most often reads my old Mandie books. She loves them, which I think is cute, except for the fact that Mandie stomps her foot when she gets mad, so Anika started doing that, too. We had to confiscate the Mandie books until she stopped! Now she reads them peacefully, no foot stomping.

Books we’re reading together:

1. Indian in the Cupboard was amazing. Completely amazing. I have never cried while reading a book to Anika, but this time I did. My voice got all quivery, but she didn’t seem to notice. The ending is just so beautiful. Every kid should read it. And if you didn’t read it as a kid, read it now.

2. Grandma’s Attic is the series that we’re in the middle of – another one from my childhood that I always loved. Such great, fun, wholesome stories. Anika’s learning tons without even knowing it. And I’ve forgotten lots of the stories since reading them as a kid, so it’s fun to read them again.

Kaylia’s Books

1. Anything that has to do with Dora, Curious George, or Strawberry Shortcake.

2. NIrV Story Bible for Children, any of the Bible stories involving babies are her favorites, with Baby Moses and Baby Jesus being at the top of her list.

Whew. That’s kind of a long list.

How about you? What are you reading right now?

For Times When I Think I Know Everything

“There is always one fact more in every man’s case about which we know nothing.”

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest)

I read that quote a few days ago, and it’s been on my mind ever since. Every time I start to think critical thoughts or start to feel frustrated by something someone does, that line pops into my head.

And it kind of changes everything.

One time when I shared a thought in a group of people, someone asked me a question that seemed really insulting. I tried to hide my emotions, and respond kindly and graciously, but inside I was annoyed.

Afterward, this person took me aside and apologized for offending me with the question. He then proceeded to share why he had asked it and where he was coming from, and I began to see that there was a whole different side to that question than I had ever imagined – and a whole different side to the person, too.

Maybe it’s because of that experience that the quote by Oswald Chambers stuck in my head. I believe it to be true. Even when I think I know someone, and believe that I understand their motives and actions, there is no way that I can truly understand their heart, their past, their hurt.

There is always something deeper. I want to learn to leave room for that. The Bible says that love covers over a multitude of wrongs.

I think that includes the invisible ones.

What a Plant Taught Me About My Relationship With Jesus

When I was in collage, I had a big, beautiful plant named Dave.

He was a dieffenbachia plant, so my roommate and I wanted to give him a name that started with a “D” – Dave, the Dieffenbachia.

He grew to be large and very leafy, and we loved having that fresh burst of green in our room. We heard somewhere that coffee grinds could fertilize plants, and fortunately for Dave, my roommate LOVED coffee. Dave got a lot of coffee grinds that year….

Anyway, Dave did so well in dorm that I brought him back the next year, too. He grew to be as tall as me, big, beautiful and green.

One day, I was sitting in my room doing homework, when I heard a strange rustling sound. I turned around just in time to see Dave fall to the floor and die. It was kind of shocking.

I hurried over to his pot, and pulled a little at his thick stem, trying to figure out what had happened. To my surprise, it came right out of the dirt, just like that.

Dave had no roots.

From the outside, everything looked perfectly fine. There was no indication that anything was wrong, but underneath the dirt, his roots were not growing. But Dave needed deep roots under the surface to support what was growing above the surface.

photo © 2010 Ian nasikoman | more info (via: Wylio)

And I’ve been thinking about how easy it is for my relationship with Jesus to slip into “Dave-mode” – what you see on the outside is really all that there is. Roots start to suffer pretty quickly if they are not getting what they need to grow.

Oswald Chambers writes, “My worth to God in public is what I am in private.” (My Utmost For His Highest, March 17 devotional)

Another quote I love is what Jon Acuff’s dad said to him:

“My primary prayer is for your private, interior life to keep growing so that it can support your growing public life.”

Sometimes it scares me how easy it is to fake the public part while completely neglecting the private part. Not that our fake attempts come anything close to a spirit-filled life, but it’s funny how often we try.

But I feel depleted very quickly when I’m giving to a lot of people without getting filled up myself. My giving to others should spill out from the overflow of a heart filled with Jesus – I want so much of Him in me that I can’t run dry. I want Him to pour through me to others.

Healthy roots are required for all of those desires! Deep, private roots.

Moral of the story: Don’t be like Dave!

Dig down deep into Jesus, so that nothing in this world will be able to knock you over.

Top 5 Things Bringing Enjoyment to My Life Right Now

There are some things that I’ve been discovering lately that I’m loving – a lot. They are affecting my well-being in extremely positive ways, and so I decided that I would share them with you.

(Notice that I said “things”. Not people, otherwise of course I would mention my wonderful family, friends, etc. People are always contributing to my life in positive ways! )

So here they are, in no particular order:

1) Exercising! I’ve strongly disliked most physical activities, most of my life – never played on any sports teams in school or college, never exercised on a regular basis, and I have really paid for those choices. Right now, I am seeing a physiotherapist for two different issues that would never have become a problem if I would have been exercising regularly, and keeping my muscles in good shape. These problems have ended up costing me a lot of money and have affected me in very life-changing ways. Once I realized this, I wanted to exercise, but couldn’t, until my body started to heal a little more.

Fortunately, I am finally able to exercise, and I am very, very happy about it. I love how it makes me feel, I love it that my body is getting stronger and healthier all the time, I love it that I’m making better choices than I have in the past.

My sister introduced me to the wonders of Leslie Sansone, so I’m doing some resistance training, along with pilates and yoga. Who knew that stuff could be fun?! I spent my whole life thinking I didn’t enjoy it, and now my body is craving it. But not at first. I had to get through the yucky stage when everything hurt and it did not make my body feel better. I’m glad that doesn’t last forever!

2) My Utmost For His Highestby Oswald Chambers
I think that anyone who knows me well probably knows that I quote this book all the time. I completely believe that no book should replace the Bible, but this book is the devotional book I’ve used over and over again for years. It’s only one page of reading a day, and yet Chambers packs more wisdom and challenging insight into one page than many other authors fit into a whole chapter. Always new stuff to chew on and feel uncomfortable about – in a good kind of way!

3) Organizing My House Using This Book:

My mom lent it to me, and it is changing my house, and therefore, my life. I cannot stand a messy house. Ours is not perfect yet, but there have been some noticeable improvements because of the ideas in this book.

Basically, the author takes the idea of “a place for everything, and everything in it’s place” a step farther, and suggests that there is a “natural” place for everything, and if we can find a tidy way to store things in the places where they naturally tend to end up in, we will have less to clean.

For example, if your family continually throws their jackets in a heap by the door, that is where they will most naturally put their jackets. You could try to train them to put the jackets elsewhere, or else you could just accept the fact that that is where they want to put their jackets, and put up some hooks or a coat rack right there. Then it’s almost as easy to hang the jackets up as it is to throw them on the floor.

Or let’s you have trouble with something completely hypothetical like, say, dirty laundry all over the floor. If you put a laundry basket in every bedroom that’s easily accessible, it will be just as easy to throw clothes into the basket as onto the floor. (It totally works, by the way. Hypothetically.)

My own biggest problem is my kitchen counter. I have a very nice place to file all my papers. I just never used it, for some reason. I could not tell you why. I just didn’t. And I have ALWAYS had a pile of papers on the counter, since we moved into this house. It drives me crazy.

Well, after reading this book, I looked at my pile of papers, and I thought to myself, “Apparently that is where I want to put my papers, so that is where they shall stay.” And I went and put  my file system right there. No more paper piles! For over an entire month, I’ve kept it clean. That is nothing short of miraculous. That is how I know this book works. You can buy it here.

4) tinywhitedaisies – This is a blog that I recently discovered. No words, just pictures – beautiful, beautiful pictures. Of flowers and scenery and decorating and food. All my favorite things! It soothes my soul. Ben thinks it’s weird. He said, “Pictures of…doors?” But they were really pretty doors. Taking time in the middle of a busy day to look at beautiful pictures is such a great way to unwind and remind myself to think about positive things.

5) Project Life – I’ve written about it before, which you can read here, and you can check out the product here. It is amazing. This last year, I undertook the project of taking a picture every day for a whole year. There were times when that it was hard, but for the most part, I thoroughly enjoyed the project. It challenged my photography skills and creativity, and it captured so many memories from our year. I can’t keep a journal worth anything, but I was able to keep up with writing on a little card every day.

Here’s my big book:

So I had kind of decided that I would not do Project Life again this year. I wanted a break. I loved doing it, and I love paging through it, now that it’s done, but I wanted a break. But then something happened to me two weeks ago.

I was carrying my Project Life book over to the lodge to put the last finishing touches on it. I was walking down our front steps when I slipped and fell off the side, right into a snowbank. Everything I was carrying flew everywhere. All of the pictures along the top of the entire album got wet. I carried my poor, wet book to the lodge, and took out all of the wet pictures so that I could lay them out to dry. They filled almost three tables.

Then I went home to cry a little bit, and then I spent the rest of the evening watching a movie and forgetting about my problems for a little while.

Fortunately, everything dried very nicely, and all of those pictures are safely back in my book.

But here’s what I realized: As I worked with all those pictures, and looked at each one, I realized how glad I was to have them. It was a good year. I love the finished product, I love how the whole kit is set up, I love it that it was finished in January, and I’m not feverishly scrapbooking to record all of our memories from this last year – it’s all done already!

So I’ve decided to do Project Life again! I’m just going to do it by the week instead of by the day, though. That way, if there’s some days when I forget to take a picture, or there wasn’t anything really exciting to take a picture of, I don’t have to stress about it. We don’t have to try to live an exciting life just so I can get a picture of it! I’m looking forward to seeing how that approach works for our family this year.

And there you have it! The five things that I’m loving right now! What are yours?