Healthy Again

Three cheers for a normal weekend and the end of the stomach flu!! I don’t know when I have ever felt so overjoyed to finally clean my bathroom. It feels GREAT to be healthy again. As horrible as it was to experience two weeks of everyone in our family taking turns getting sick with the stomach flu, there is nothing like sickness for making a person feel thankful for health! It’s so much fun to eat again! I’m a fan. Just like that, my life is complete simply because I can eat and clean things. Simple pleasures!

I woke up this snowy Monday morning with joy and anticipation in my heart, because this beautifully normal day is full of possibilities – I could clean out my fridge! Or bake something with my kids! Or get caught up on the laundry! Or all of them! Because the stomach flu is gone, and all is right in our little world. Normal has become a novelty, and I will ride that wave as long as I can, because it won’t seem quite this exciting forever.

What are you doing with your lovely Monday?

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Are You Afraid to Create?

“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?

Look, I don’t know what’s hidden within you. I have no way of knowing such a thing. You yourself may barely know, although I suspect you’ve caught glimpses. I don’t know your capacities, your aspirations, your longings, your secret talents. But surely something wonderful is sheltered inside you. I say this with all confidence, because I happen to believe we are all walking repositories of buried treasure. I believe this is one of the oldest and most generous tricks the universe plays on us human beings, both for its own amusement and for ours: The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.

The hunt to uncover those jewels – that’s creative living.” (Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic)

I felt creative fear this last week. I was standing in my sister’s living room, surrounded by piles of shopping bags, and I was about to start decorating her bookshelves.

And just for a moment, I had this paralyzing feeling of doubt and fear of failure. I had flown out to Ottawa for the specific purpose of decorating her house, and I knew those bookshelves were going to make it or break it. They were huge and looming, and I wanted them to look amazing, but in that moment, all I could think was, “I don’t know if it can do this.”

That probably sounds far too dramatic, but let me just say that bookshelves are hard. They need to be full, but not too full. Coordinated, but not too matchy. Heights and sizes and flow are all important, if you want to get it right. If it’s done well, they’ll look awesome. If not, they’ll look busy and cluttered, or just bare and empty, longing for someone to come make them beautiful.

I recently came across a decorating company on instagram that advertised themselves as being “experts” in bookshelves. It kinda takes an expert, because it’s just really hard to do it well.

There was nothing else to do, other than dig in and get started, or else we would have wasted a lot of time and money on all the decor items we’d just purchased. I got through the first shelf, and was feeling a bit encouraged. By the second shelf, I was starting to have fun. “I think this is working!” I was thinking to myself. “Maybe I will be able to pull it off.” I stepped back to see how it was shaping up, and that was a mistake, because suddenly all I could see again were the wide, gaping shelves which still remained empty. Again, I had those sinking, doubtful feelings, but once again, I grabbed more books and got back to work.

When I finally finished, I plopped down on a chair, and just looked. I sat and looked and looked, because I had done it, and I loved it. I didn’t know if I could do it, and then I brought something into existence which was not there before, and I’d created something I felt proud of.

I keep thinking about this because I wonder what else I’m capable of, but don’t dig in and just start trying. My sister says I should start a decorating company. Ben says I should write a book. My friend says I should start a health blog. I don’t do any of them, because I am saying I don’t have time right now, with homeschooling and a three year old, but I wonder if deep down, it’s just because I’m afraid to start, or maybe I’m afraid I’m not passionate enough to make it happen.

I don’t know what is hidden deep inside me and I don’t know what I would bring out if I dug down to discover it. I’m afraid it won’t be perfect, I’m afraid it will be rejected, I’m afraid it’s all been done before, and I’m afraid it’s much too late to get it started. I’m afraid it won’t be significant or important. I’m afraid I don’t know enough to write a book, and there’s no chance that fiction is happening here, which means it would have to be real life, but my life is pretty small. And decorating someone’s house also seems kind of small, because we really could all survive with bare walls and empty bookshelves, so I’m afraid it’s not significant enough.

But when my sister came into the room once I was finished, she said, “NOW it feels like home.” And then I realized what my driving passion really is – home. My whole life, I have just wanted to make a home for my family. A safe, peaceful, cozy place where everyone can come in and feel something – I don’t even know what, exactly. Maybe just like they belong. I spend every single day of my life doing this for my own family, but when my sister said that, I realized I was actually able to give her the same feeling in her own home, and suddenly it didn’t feel frivolous anymore.

This is not a blog post to announce that I’m starting a decorating company or anything like that!! Rather, it’s just some ramblings on that feeling you get when you create something, in spite of being afraid, and know deep down that you did something beautiful. There is a little bit more loveliness in the world, because you chose to create.

I don’t remember to take pleasure in that often enough. I stick it under the label of “humility” – don’t take too much pride in something you made or accomplished. But I’ve swung too far over to the side of not allowing myself to feel any pride. Those twinges are quite persistent, though – when my pantry is perfectly organized, and I want to keep opening the door to gloat over it a little. Or when I put extra effort into making an especially colourful salad for supper, and I feel just a little proud of myself for making it beautiful. Why do I insist on stamping that feeling down and resisting it?

Kaylia proudly hangs her artwork on the fridge. Everett calls me over to see the train track he built all by himself. Anika has a flush of enthusiasm on her face as she tells me about an especially good scene she just finished writing in her book. Even Ben called me over to admire the garden box he built in our yard last summer, and sent me a picture of himself receiving an award this weekend.

I love to celebrate those moments with others – why wouldn’t I do the same for myself? I want to dig deeper, and see what I find when I’m brave enough to bring out what I can do and create and share. Maybe a bookshelf won’t change anybody else’s life. But maybe it could change mine. Maybe I have no idea what could open up inside me if I would take more chances, do hard things, just dig in and get started, and then bask in the sense of pride and accomplishment I feel at the end. Maybe I’ll actually write a book. Or find some more empty bookshelves. Who knows? Maybe it’s just enough to know that when I’m not sure if it will be great, I should just try anyway.

I hope you’re too brave to have any idea what I’m talking about, but maybe not? Is there anything you’ve been dreaming of creating, but haven’t had the courage to start?

Year in Review Video

Good morning, everyone! Or whatever time of day you happen to be reading this….

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you may know that every year, our family puts together a video with all our favourite pictures, along with our “song of the year” – the song everyone wanted to hear when we’d turn on music to listen to while we cleaned up the kitchen after supper every day. We’ve been making these videos for six years or something like that, and the kids love to go back and watch all the old videos repeatedly. It’s such a fun thing to have to look back on.:)

Anika has taken over the job of putting this project together, and it makes me so happy to watch it! Here’s the best of our year:

Ready or Not, Here Christmas Comes

This blog post is brought to you by the stomach flu, fevers, and knee surgery recovery, with high fives all around for getting the nasty stuff out of the way so we can all be healthy by Christmas. I was emailing with my mom today about plans for Christmas at their house, and felt a little weird asking if she wanted me to bring any Christmas baking, because as of this moment, there is no Christmas baking yet. But there will be. And really, getting Christmas baking done early is a pain, because then I have to hide it from my kids so they don’t eat it all before Christmas even gets here, so this will work out perfectly….

I’ve stayed remarkable calm about my lack of readiness for Christmas, because I blame everything on the fact that Ben just had knee surgery, so nothing is normal, but we’re getting there, and it will still be great. And really, people celebrate Christmas for like, almost a week after the 25th, right?! We might be late with everything, but it will feel festive whenever it happens, so this is what I’m telling my desire for organization and readiness. I’ll make up for it next year.

In the meantime, here are some more of the pictures I’ve been taking here and there for my little December photo challenge:

Glitter:

Outside:

working on the slide Ben built off our deck before he had surgery

Warm:

enjoying hot chocolate after playing outside

Stripes:

Shopping:

Look Down:

Green:

Happy:

I was going to get the classic picture with everyone smiling hugely at the camera, but then I realized that this IS the picture of her happiness – perched on this bench by the window, lost in her own quiet little world.

Wrapping Paper:

Bright:

Tree:

Peace:

How are you all doing? Feeling any peace, or is Christmas getting crazy in your home, too?

Christmas Photo Challenge

When Christmas rolls around, I’m always drawn to books or articles about how to simplify the holidays. Christmas was magical to me when I was a kid, but when Ben and I got married, and suddenly had seven different gatherings to get to in the span of a week or two, the holiday lost a lot of it’s charm for me. I love family and traditions and festivities, but I ended up feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, exhausted, and in need of some quality alone time at Christmas.

One of the solutions to this came from book no longer in print, which basically said, “Cut out what you don’t enjoy, and do more of what you love about Christmas.”

As I was thinking about this last week, I tried to remember the most enjoyable Christmas I’ve had as an adult, and the usual things which came to mind were the traditions we’ve established as our own little family, and the days we enjoy at our parents’ houses, or when the gatherings are a little more spread out, with recovery time in between! But what popped into my mind which surprised me most was a spark of pleasure when I remembered the Christmas I did a 31 day photo challenge in December.

It seems silly – taking more pictures increased my enjoyment of Christmas? But it really did, maybe because photography is one of my favourite art forms, and art is always good for the soul.:) Or maybe it was because slowing down, paying attention, looking for the little things that make Christmas special for our family stayed with me.

Whatever the case, I decided to follow the joy, and started a Christmas photo challenge for this year. This is not going to produce deep, spiritual reflections on the birth of Jesus, or anything like that. We’ll see if that post comes at a different time! Nope, this is just to take a creative breather, have some fun, and capture some pretty holiday pictures to look back on in the future:

source

Red:

Family:

Lists/Planning:Decorate:

Sweet:

Anika decided to join me, so here are her pictures:

Red:

Family:

Lists/Planning:

Decorate:

More to come! What do you do when you need to take a break and relax a little over the holidays?

This Year’s Family Photos

You guys, every year I think I love our latest family pictures the most. I didn’t think it could happen again this year, because last year’s were my favourite by far, but our friend Morgan was amazing, as usual, and I love them! We explored a little part of Winnipeg I’d never actually been to before, and the fall colours made everything feel just a little bit magical.

And the last one I’ll share is kind of fun – when Kaylia was the age Everett is now, Morgan took this picture of our family:

We saw some steps and decided it was time for an update!:)

All the family feet, complete!

And now I have to somehow choose my favourite for our Christmas cards! I can’t wait to start receiving all the happy Christmas mail with everyone’s family pictures – it’s one of my favourite Christmas traditions.:)

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Anika’s 14th Birthday

This weekend was Anika’s birthday. Ben was trying to put words to the significance of the occasion, and said, “You’re the only 14 year old daughter I’ve ever had!”

Anika responded dryly with, “I’m the only 14 year old daughter you’ve ever had.”

Ben replied, “All the others only reached their 13th birthday…”

Not his best joke, but he always tries.

We’re delighted to have a 14 year old. I’d have to say our first year with a teenager has gone very well.:) There have been some bumps along the way, but looking back, I can see how those were the times when Anika’s growth and maturity really developed and came through, and I love seeing the person she is becoming.

Life is such a weird thing – how can I not remember what life was like without her, and yet so clearly remember the first day we brought her home from the hospital?! I can still feel the panic inside when Ben put Anika’s car seat down inside the door of our little house, and went to get something from the car, leaving me standing there, wondering what in the world we were going to do now. We were responsible for A BABY, and for the moment, she was quiet, but we didn’t have a clue what we were doing! It all seemed very strange and overwhelming, and a little bit scary, but I loved her fiercely. I got nothing done for weeks – I just watched her sleep and cried over how beautiful she was!

Slowly, we figured things out, and everything was okay because she was our baby – we knew her, and she belonged, and we figured out what she needed and liked, and her little personality began to show in all kinds of delightful ways.

For years, we’d hear other parents talking about the teenage years with dread, and I felt a little uneasy about it, but mostly I blocked it out, thinking we’d deal with it when it was time.

We’re only one year in, but I’m already glad for all the time I didn’t spend worrying about it, because it’s not unlike the feelings I had when we were first learning to be parents: we don’t have all the answers, but she’s our teenager – we know her, she belongs, we’re figuring things out as we go along, and the person she’s becoming is showing through in all kinds of delightful ways.

She’s smart, creative, imaginative, wise, motivated, strong, self-aware, capable, discerning, level-headed, funny, and determined. This was the year she started setting her alarm early in the morning, so that she can finish her schoolwork in the morning, and spend the rest of her day writing. She’s pumping out books at a rate which makes me jealous, and dreams big dreams about all she will do with her future.

She always amazes me with her ability to cut right to the root of a problem and determine the solution. I will forever love our long talks, and this last year she was finally able to graduate to the passenger seat for our drives to the city. She spends most of the time drilling me with questions about Myers Briggs, and wants to figure out everyone’s personality types, in real life as well as all the characters in her books. The rest of the time, we talk about boys.;)

14 years of loving her. I’m so glad we get to celebrate our Anika!

photo credit: Morgan Braun

 

 

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