Since first writing about my December challenge, I’ve had many, many people share their words of encouragement, as well as thoughts and opinions. I was aware of opening myself up to this when I decided to make this challenge public, and I was a little nervous about whether I was strong enough to weather all the wise words that would come my way, without losing sight of how this all began, and what I most wanted to focus on, personally.
I really appreciate all that people share with me, but it definitely has given me a lot to chew on, and I have gotten a little confused, at times.
Some people are completely sure that I will experience healing by the end of December.
Others think I will experience spiritual and emotional healing, but don’t really think physical healing will necessarily be a part of it.
Some people think I should never go back for another appointment again, because I should just have faith I will be healed.
Others think this month will be a great month for me to relax and rest without having to run around to a million different appointments, and I will have the chance to learn more about myself and about Jesus.
A friend came over last week on a day when I was feeling super confused about everything, and we had a good talk about it all. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t know much, and I’m not even sure what I believe myself, but it comes down to this:
Is that not fantastic?! It’s what formed in my mind last winter when I was learning a lot about what I believe about God’s will for my life, but my pastor shared this Oswald Chambers quote with me last week, and it may be what will save me, now in December, and forever after.
It’s simple, really. Do what you know. Right now. And then stop worrying about everything else.
For me, right now, it looks like this:
1) God said He will heal me. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, I just know He can, He will, and I’ll trust Him.
2) I felt God telling me to stop my appointments for the month of December. That sounds so specific, and so “I have a direct line to Heaven”, and I don’t even like putting it into words, but there it is. So I’ll do what I know, for the month of December, and then I’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll be healed. Maybe I’ll go back to all my appointments. Maybe I’ll only go back to some of them. I have no idea.
3) God didn’t tell me that He would heal me in December. He said He would heal me, I should trust Him, and then 2 weeks later I felt like He was asking me to give up my appointments for a month. I can do all of those things without actual knowing what needs to happen next.
I probably don’t have enough faith. Maybe I should be waiting joyously all month, just knowing that healing is coming my way within a matter of weeks. I don’t know. I was feeling really guilty about not having enough faith, and my pastor said, “Give Him your guilt. And then do the next thing.”
The song that keeps coming to my mind is “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”. It gives me peace every single time I think of it, because it’s true – when I’m focusing on Him, worshiping Him, and dancing in my kitchen, or crying on my couch, just trying to surrender every hard moment to Him, I’m able to get past all of it, if only I fill my mind with Him.
Then nothing else matters – I could have pain for the rest of my life, and it doesn’t matter to me in that moment. I just see Him, and everything’s good.
That applies to pretty much everything in life, hey? Trust God, and do the next thing. I can do that. Little bits at a time.
So, I’m curious: What does “Trust God, and do the next thing” mean for you??