Ben’s sisters are both off on wild, exciting adventures. They’re off to Europe and to the unknown.
I know that we’ll miss them, but I’m excited for them, and in a deep, dark corner inside me, I’m envious. I feel that way because they are going off to fulfill their dreams, and I often wonder what it will take to fulfill my own dreams.
I feel like I can’t quite figure out if I’m waiting for God’s timing, and for things to become “ripe”, or if I’m holding back because of fear, and all I need to do is start actively pursuing those dreams, there for the taking.
I’ve written about it on this blog before – my dream to speak and write and be the next Beth Moore and change the world. Sometimes I feel a little panicky because I feel like I’ll run out of time for all that and I should definitely be farther along in my pursuit.
Other times I feel like I’m still marinating, and like God has so much left to teach me as I stay at home with my girls, creating order in the midst of chaos, loving and supporting my husband in any way I can. There will be time for all those other things.
And in the meantime, I write.
It’s funny, because there have been times when I’ve questioned my decision to start a blog. I love doing it, but it can be really time-consuming. But I realize over and over again that I need to write. I need to communicate with people. So even during times when it feels like I don’t have time to blog, or have time to write, it’s what I need to do.
Sometimes it feels vain – like I consider all of my thoughts so important that they must be shared with the world. But sometimes it just feels like it is there inside me, and it needs to get out.
While I was having these thoughts, I came across this quote on a great new blog I found:
When you have a calling, when you have a gift from God, this is what I’ve learned about it. Whether you do something with that gift from God or not, you carry the stamp of your gift, the weight of your calling, no matter how many years pass, no matter how many dreams you tuck away in the belief that you must have missed it.
You never stop wanting it, you never stop being it. It’s what you always loved to do and, yes, you do it every day without a single penny from anyone. Even if no one acknowledges it.
You know in your heart of hearts that you can’t stop being this, doing this, anymore than you can stop breathing. (Emerging Mummy)
I love that. It’s like it legitimizes my need to write – not only legitimizes it, but…encourages it!
All our lives we all need to create because creativity is the life breath of our Creator Father and if we don’t create we breathe stale air and we wither dry. (A Holy Experience)
I blog to create! I used to paint pictures. Then I got a job, got married, had a baby. I didn’t have time to paint anymore, so I started scrapbooking. I had another baby. Even less time, so now I blog. The ways in which I create have changed over the years. Who knows what will come next.
What about you? Are you creating something? If not, you’d better start, cause who wants stale air?!
One thought on “Been Thinking About Creating”
thanks for sharing kendra 🙂 yay for you and the gifts you bring to the world and yay for writing! with this blog you are already very much in the midst of carrying out your dreams (from what i see)…you are writing and you are make a difference in people’s lives doing that and all the other wonderful things that you do! It enriches my life to read your blog, to stay connected with pictures and stories to my family…
I think its tough to follow your dreams, when following them may not bring the immediate prestige, wealth, impact, or hoop-la that so often I(and also the world) sees as the measure of a good life. I keep telling myself that it is my sense of well-being right now and the process of knowing that I am doing what brings me and others joy and energy, knowing that what i am doing in my life is transforming me and pushing me towards knowing myself better—that is really what following my dreams is all about and also I think, its very greatest reward.